The earth is moving at the same speed as it was when Adam and Even were in the garden. However, our societal pace has vastly quickened. Everything is fast now, and it doesn’t look like that is going to change. Technology that is intended to allow us more time only allows us more minutes to fill our days with more clutter. Quiet time, reflection, chats on the porch swing, sitting by the pond watching a cork, and just decompressing have been replaced by days stuffed with as much productivity as time allows, schedules that loot our ability to breathe, timetables that bar us from enjoying the moment, and technology (cell phones, gaming systems and TV) that fills any momentary cessation of the stressful cycle. This reality makes purposeful parenting and relationship-building far more problematic yet also far more indispensable.
Purposeful Parenting:
An intentional approach to raising children and building relationships
which requires purposeful decisions and proactive choices to allow
interconnection to develop and flourish.
Here is an intellectual response to the above: “It ain’t easy!” There are a lot of reasons why this is difficult but chief among them is we must trim our hedges. Such a decision means we have to look at our daily cycles and personal priorities and challenge them. We must be willing to excise events and activities. Here is the rub – some of the items that need to be excised are not bad things – they may be good things – but they are the wrong things.
When I was a young father, I played men’s softball with my church brothers. I loved it. I was good at softball, we had a lot of fun, we invited non-church members to play with us and it was a positive experience. However, when my oldest started playing T-ball, I caught myself torn between fields, hurrying between games and practices and often lost in the middle. Softball nor T-ball was as much fun as they could be, and I had to consider my unhurried time with my little girl. I quit softball and never suffered a regret. A good activity was the wrong activity.
Relationship-building requires intentionality and purpose. Time must be set-aside because “free-time” is not likely to come. Weekends have to be planned. Game nights must be scheduled. Weekends must be intentionally cleared. Dates must be put on the calendar. Cell phones must be put away. Game stations must be unplugged and the television put on hold. Story time has to be repetitive. We must learn to say no to the noise and yes to the young ones.
Challenge the falsehoods:
“I have to watch it, there will never be another game like this one.”
“If they don’t play every select sport they will be left behind.”
“Social media is not that harmful.”
“There is always next weekend.”
“My teenagers don’t want to spend time with me.”
“They understand my schedule.”
So, what are the benefits of purposeful parenting? Little things like: confidence, self-esteem, resilience, better grades, less stress, less anxiety, joy, virtue attainment, memories, anchors, connectedness, good decision-making, wisdom, creativity, security, life-long bonding, social skills, empathy, holistic development, physical and intellectual health, life balance, and trust. Is that good enough?
You can start right now. Eat together every chance you get with no television, no cell phones, no distractions, and around the table – not the living room. Have everyone participate in meal participation and clean up while talking, singing, laughing, or occasionally crying. It won’t always be earth-moving, but the total experience will be fabulous. This will lead to clearing other obstacles and you will be glad you did.
Oh, this is also pretty good for marriage!
