“And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
he’d grown up just like me
my boy was just like me.”
Harry Chapin
Children are blank slates. I have heard that all my life and never totally agreed with the sentiment. That thought came from an enlightenment philosopher by the name of John Locke around 1690. His idea was that the born mind was a piece of white paper, devoid of letters or ideas. Thus, was born the idea of “tabula rasa” or blank slate. He believed all human development comes from experience. He was reacting to the teachings of Plato who believed in innate knowledge and that education was a process of remembering what the soul already knows. In other words, education is a recollection of what is already there. The common thought before Locke’s day was that at birth, there are already innate ideas such as God and mathematics that are built in and organize experience. (If you want to have fun sometime, study how modern Christianity is rooted in Lockean philosophy.”) So, like in many things, the idea of children being “blank slates” was an overreaction to correct past assumptions while placing emphasis on pure reasoning and experience as the guides of correct thought. Whew, do you have a headache yet?
I need only examine my children to know that they were not born total “blank slates.” My son has always been an introvert with little need to speak. I think he only said “hey” for about three years and it served his purpose. Point at the diaper and say “hey.” Look at the fridge and say, “hey.” Look at the front door and say, “hey.” Now one word has resulted in a fresh diaper, a drink and playing outside. On the other hand, he got his first bike at 3, looked at the training wheels with a frown and said, “hey”, so I took them off and he road away with no help. He was born an athlete. I have two girls who are artists. I have one that has never stood up for herself from day one – a pacifist. I have four that love animals and one that doesn’t. My boy is 6-5, two girls are 5-9, two girls are 5-6. Three of them were easy babies, two of them extremely difficult. Not entirely blank slates. Believing that a child is an absolute clean piece of paper, totally moldable and manageable by parents, can lead to a lot of unnecessary guilt. It can also lead to taking parenting seriously, and that is good.
While the slate may not be blank, it can be written upon by others and for our purposes today, fathers are scribes. Daddies have a chance to leave teaching and influence, leading our children to success and joy. We choose whether we will chisel positivity or negativity, love or hate, security or insecurity, into the slate. All dads have qualities their children will leave behind and other characteristics the children will carry forward – consciously or unintentionally. Sometimes we fathers shine the slate and other times we scratch it.
There was a son who was precisely like his dad. In fact, the world could never figure his father out, so he traveled about bringing clarity to the personhood of his daddy. He was his father’s exact image. If you want to understand the chief, just look at his boy. You already know the son. His name is Jesus.
“The word became flesh and dwelt among us. We have seen his glory…..
the glory of the son who came from the father.”
John 1:14
Sons and daughters often become like their sires – for good or bad. None of us is God so our kids have to be able to sift the trash from the gold. If we are wise dads, we offer more gold than trash. Praise God that our impact on the slate is open to the free-will and sifting of our children.
Growing up, I felt my son was my opposite. We are both athletes, but I had a killer instinct, and he had none. I refuse to pay someone to fix my mowers, lay my tile, paint my house, etc. when I can do so. He had no interest in repairs and mechanical ventures at all. I have always been driven, and he didn’t appear to be. I have a strong spiritual stirring, and I could not see it in him. We sat on the porch recently and talked about growing up. He is 26. He graduated college a few years ago – late by a year and a half but with honors. He works so hard and puts in so many hours I have had to talk to him about professional boundaries – it was like talking to the younger me. He recently built gardening stands for his beautiful fiancée. Weeks ago, I retired from church ministry, and he declared vast interest in God. And then the kicker:
“Dad, I figured you out. I always wondered how you managed to be there for us kids while working at least parts of seven days a week. I never knew why you pushed yourself so hard. I do now. You never wanted approval or compliments, and it really wasn’t about money – you are always competing with yourself. I know what I want dad, and I am wearing myself out to get it. It does involve money. I don’t want to be working at your age. We have different motivations daddy, but we look just the same.”
“And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon.
Little boy blue and the man on the moon.
“When you coming home son?” “I don’t know when,
but we’ll get together then, dad, were’ gonna have a good time then.”
I sat on the porch for a long time and realized, my boy is like me. Not just like me – thank God – but like me. I made a lot of mistakes, but I think I did a few things right.
We are thankful to all our dads. Praise God for your influence in the lives of children. Special blessings on those who choose to take in kids who desperately need a positive father figure. May you be a reflection of THE father.
Blessings -
