Keeping Your Head When Others are Losing Theirs

I am impressed with pressure cookers. They can take a long cooking process and significantly cut time. You can even put a whole fish in there, and if you pressure it long enough, you can eat bones and all! A pressure cooker can reduce time requirements by 75%! Don’t even get me started on beans. There is a little safety device on these cookers called the pressure release valve, and it is vitally important. If the pressure gets too great, this little device extends and releases steam, which lowers the stress. If the strain is too great and there’s nowhere for it to escape, you might find red beans all over your kitchen and the exploded cooker turned into dangerous shrapnel. You must let off steam.

Raising kids is a wonderful blessing, but it comes with its own set of stressors. When the kids are whining, complaining, moody, and making messes while the homework waits, supper is not on the table, the uniforms aren’t clean, and there are not enough hours in the day, what can a parent do? That’s when you must engage the pressure release valve. If you don’t have such a regulator, bad things can happen. So, here are some tips to help you cope:

  • Adjust your triggers. When dealing with kids, one does not want what gun aficionados call a “hair trigger,” meaning it goes off quickly. You must know yourself well enough to predict situations that will set you off. Know your triggers and develop a plan before the event happens, because you know it will.
  • Don’t be unrealistic. Children struggle just like we do. In fact, children feel all the emotions we feel, but… they have fewer tools to deal with those emotions. These tough moments are opportunities to teach and build relationships. Are you expecting perfection? Uh-oh.
  • Use the reset button. I just love a button that appears on a lot of technology: the reset button. Wow, just push it, clear out the past, and get a new start. Breathing is your reset button. Breathe in and out and slow it down.
  • Be an anchor. When your kids are upset or making your life miserable, speak in low, calm tones with clear, concrete language. DO NOT raise your voice or make threats. When a child is out of control, they likely cannot hear you rationally, and you don’t want to escalate the situation. They need you to be their safe spot while they learn.
  • Acknowledge your emotions. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m a little overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to be quiet and just breathe for a few moments.” That lets them know their emotions are acceptable and that there are positive ways to cope.
  • Get away. You don’t have to go far to take a break. Exercise, take a moment for yourself. Remember, self-care is mandatory, not a luxury.
  • Have a safety net. Sometimes we just need people who have been there or are in the same place currently. Share your emotions and actions, and be willing to let others help. Let some older folks advise you. I sure wish I had gotten more coaching on parenting, the empty nest, getting old, etc.

Jesus settled down and took a good nap in the bottom of the boat while the disciples were freaking out over the winds and waves on the Sea of Galilee. You, too, can find peace in the storm.

For more tips on parenting with purpose and staying grounded through life’s challenges, check out our podcast here: CK FAMILY PODCAST