One of the most important lessons we can teach children is how to be a good friend. Building strong, inclusive friendships doesn’t just happen naturally—it takes practice, guidance, and thoughtful role modeling.
A small act of kindness can make a lasting impact on another child. As Mr. Rogers once said, “There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” If we want kids to reach out and include others, particularly those who may be feeling left out, we need to teach them how. Here are four strategies to help children become more inclusive friends and build meaningful connections with others.
Put Others on Their Radar
Children who feel socially secure may not always notice that other kids are struggling to find a friend. Richard Weissbourd, director of Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, said, “Almost all kids are kind to somebody and have empathy for somebody. The real work is getting them to be kind and empathetic to people outside of their immediate circle of concern.”
Encouraging kids to notice others is the first step in teaching them how to include everyone. Gentle prompts can help children become more aware of their peers:
- “Tell me about the new student in your class. Who are they playing with at recess?”
- “A new family just moved into the neighborhood. What could we do to welcome them?”
- “It looks like so-and-so is sitting alone. How about inviting them to join your game?”
By guiding children to notice others who may be left out, they can begin to develop empathy and act with kindness.
Teach Kids How to Include Others
Social skills are teachable, and young children often benefit from practicing them. Role-playing with children can help them understand how to reach out to others in a kind and inclusive way. Simple steps include:
- Smiling and saying hello
- Offering an invitation to play or sit together
- Complimenting something the other person is doing: “Your drawing is beautiful!”
- Noticing shared interests: “You’re reading a book about animals? I love animals too!”
If an invitation is declined, children should understand that it’s okay to try again later. The other child might need more time to feel comfortable, and persistence can sometimes lead to new friendships.
Talk About Similarities and Differences
Children are naturally curious about the world around them and may notice differences in others. Rather than avoiding these observations, parents and caregivers can use them as teachable moments. Help children understand that everyone is unique, and these differences are part of what makes friendships special.
Introduce concepts such as autism, ADHD, or other developmental differences, explaining why some children may wear noise-canceling headphones, need a classroom helper, or act in ways that might seem unfamiliar. These conversations foster understanding and create a more inclusive environment.
When children see differences as strengths, they are more likely to form lasting friendships. Encouraging them to focus on shared interests while respecting individual needs can build stronger, more inclusive relationships.
Model Kindness and Inclusion
Children learn best by watching the adults around them. If we want them to be kind and inclusive, we must model those behaviors in our own lives. This means taking time to include others in conversations, reaching out to new people, and demonstrating empathy in daily interactions. When children see these actions, they are more likely to follow suit in their own friendships.
Teaching children to be good friends requires time, patience, and guidance. By encouraging empathy, modeling kindness, and helping them appreciate both similarities and differences, we equip children with the skills to build inclusive and lasting friendships. Through these efforts, we contribute to a more compassionate and connected world. Read more at PBSKids.org.